Friday, January 29, 2010

A letter to my son

My dear, darling, Pampers-bottomed son,

I am writing to inform you that whenever you are ready to use the potty, I am ready to help you learn. You are nearly three years old. I can see how much you love and value your independence as you choose your own snacks, select the toys you want to play with, "rearrange" your bedroom, and remove your clothes at will. So imagine how independent and dignified you will feel when you're completely free of those pesky old diapers! No more dampness, no more puffiness, no more stinking up the entire cabin of a 757 passenger jet.

And even though I know you don't care - I'll just mention it in case you have any sympathy for us - I want to point out that a 100-count pack of diapers costs approximately $30. Insane, right? Thirty bucks could buy a whole bucketful of Hot Wheels. Or a big bin of dinosaurs. It would even cover the expense of two Dora the Explorer videos. (Ha - THAT got your attention, didn't it!) Better yet, we could just funnel that money into your college fund.

I won't push you into potty training. I'll wait for you to take the lead. But give it some thought and get back to me.

Note that I am not above offering bribes for your cooperation.

Much love,


  1. I don't think Dora is interested in young men who still wear diapers. See if that argument works.

  2. Hahaha! Good point, Michael. I will pass that information along. Let's see if it makes a difference.